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Often people have an affair to fill a void in their own marriage or partnership, whether it’s companionship, romance or sex. If the person you’re having an affair with is single, this can be a little more complicated than just a bit of innocent fun on the side. Quite often, the single person in the affair holds onto the extra-marital relationship, treating it like a full-blown relationship. This can make it difficult because often the single partner in this affair feels the married member will leave their partner and “run off” with the single person and live happily ever after. This scenario usually doesn’t eventuate and can make it uncomfortable for both parties, especially when it comes to ending the affair.
There are some situations that have popped up over the years that could happen to you if you’re having an affair with a single person. This is dependent on the person you meet, but most likely wouldn’t and doesn’t depict the reaction of the majority of single people in an extra-marital relationship. However, t is important to pay attention to these as you could come across similar situations yourself and it’s better to be prepared or at least recognize them.
1. Worst Case Scenario
It’s the “Fatal Attraction” scenario where, when the married partner refuses to leave their spouse, the single partner does something outrageous like:
• Sends threatening emails;
• Mysterious gifts arrive with/without a note;
• Makes prank phone calls to their lover’s spouse;
• They happen to “drop by” your house (or anywhere they know of related to your family) and pretend they’re just a friend who wanted to drop something off from work etc, and meets your spouse while you’re out;
• Or worst case, your child’s rabbit ends up in a pot on the stove (or equivalent – physically violent suggestions).
While these situations do happen, they are relatively uncommon (doesn’t mean they won’t happen to you). Most affairs split amicably, but again, it depends on how they’re handled and also on each person’s personality. If the single person can’t let go after you’ve ended it, you will probably have at least one of the above occur so you need to remember to try to damage control the situation before it gets out of control.
The Fact Is…
Most of single partners in an affair don’t like to think of themselves as “homewreckers”. If the single person knows their partner is married, they will most likely not want to advertise it to friends or family as it can cause them to get looked down on by the people they know. Also, in today’s society it can be quite embarrassing for a single person to announce they’re in love with somebody else’s husband or wife, hence another reason they would refrain. Once the affair is over, it can be a dangerous slope – especially if they feel they were unfairly treated or feel they “deserve” the lover more than his married family.
Married Person Leaving Their Spouse For The Single Person
Most people will not leave their spouses for the single person in the affair. Most affairs will only ever be extra-marital. Many single people in these affairs will take it on as an actual relationship and after spending so much time with their lover, they’ll feel like their married lover could leave their marriage to run a “normal” relationship.
How To Avoid Uncomfortable Single Affair Partners
Obviously it’s not as simple as going around asking married people if they’re looking to cheat (that would have consequences of its own!). If you do come across a great single person you’d like to have relations with, you need to both approach the relationship with an appropriate mindset. You will need to manage your relationship so that it doesn’t get out of hand. Remember that a single person will initially be frustrated with having to conform to your married schedule and acknowledge is not a normal “dating” relationship.
Here are a few points to try to remember:
• Make sure the single person knows your expectations AND accepts them;
• Take notice if they are getting more “clingy” or want more out of the relationship;
• Pay attention to any signs that might indicate your single partner wants more of a normal dating relationship than you can offer;
• Try to avoid single people you know have had a problem with jealousy or envy with former boyfriends/girlfriends (you can’t really do this if you don’t know them previous to the affair);
• Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. Seeing the single life from where you are as married, is not necessarily a better position;
• Remember they are single so if they choose to date other people, you need to control any jealousy that may arise.
We are not suggesting you only aim for married people to have an affair with, just be careful. If the person seems to be a problem and has emotional issues about the affair, the shorter the better the relationship would be.
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